刻骨铭心

As I thought I was running out of ideas to blog, thoughts kept flooding my mind right before I fell asleep. True to what I said before, I was afraid to fall asleep recently due to my dreams. Anyhow, not every dream is a reality-murderer. At least, not the one I had on Thursday morning. Superficial engulfed me in that particular dream, as I dreamed of a cute dude. Ngek ngek. I couldn't remember the details but that dude had almost the same habit as...him. *sighed* But I could be sure that it wasn't him due to his height and appearance.

Henry spammed my wall again. OMG. I almost fainted when my notifications kept popping up. It wasn't annoying since the quotes were very meaningful and kept me motivated. Yet, one of the quotes made me realize something. I'm not the kind of person who is touchy feel-y and I wouldn't even hug my parents, siblings or even friends. Ivan, yes, because he is still a kid and he is my nephew but not everyone has the privilege to hug me. Okay, short hug might do, like, less than three seconds hug, but when I hug someone for more than 10 seconds, either I felt very comfortable with that someone or I felt safe in that particular someone's arms. And if I could fall asleep in someone's arm, like, for a whole night, it meant that the person is very, very special indeed.

After breaking up, I learnt to see relationships from other perspectives. Girls can always listen sweet words from guys but trusting them is not a good choice. The beginning of a relationship is always the sweetest but it tends to turn sour towards the end. A guy always work hard in order to get a girl and then stops doing so after getting the girl. A lengthy message will become short words reply. Enjoying being together will end up feeling sick when seeing each other's face. Missing each other turns out to be wishing to get rid of each other as soon as possible. Love hurts, it is really cruel and no, life is not a fairy tale and there will not be a happy ending to every story.

How many people can truly love someone without conditions? How many people can maintain the feeling of love? How many people won't get bored of their lovers? How many people can keep their promises and fulfill their commitments? Not much and not everyone can do so. I thought it will be different, for both of us, until I realized it was still the same. And I was too idiotic and naive to realize the truth. Blinded by love, I ended up trying to convince myself with excuses. In the end, I'm trying to leave with as much dignity as I can spare for myself. Will I still be able to love someone like how I love him? Will I still be able to get to all the places we went and not being upset or emo or moody at the memories that pop up? Will I still be able to survive through a new relationship again? I don't know.

One of the choir members asked how was my relationship with my boyfriend. I told her I had already broken up and she was so shocked. Then my mother was lecturing me about finding a Christian spouse again. Ugh. She hadn't know that I broke up since I didn't tell her. It was not because I didn't want her to nag about immaturity in relationship or whatever it was essential in a relationship but I just didn't want her to worry about me.

P.S. I bought a tee shirt for caroling and mother suggested me to buy M size. I wore her S-sized tee and showed it to her. HOHOHO. I could wear it too. Yay, slim slim slim~ ♥