12/12/12

It is supposed to be a special day which I had already decided to spend with someone special. Yet, I think it doesn't matter anymore. I thought of hanging out with Kryss today because my hair is still crooked and she told me to drop by but I have caroling practice at Bercham tonight. Dang. Never mind, it is a date with God then :) I postponed until Thursday to meet Kryss and mother was like, "Don't go out and [wet] till so late only come back". I went out for a drink of chocolate at Starbucks and she complained about me going back late. How could she? It wasn't as if I went out for beer or cocktail. I have turned into a good girl already. Okay, minus the moment when I go back Miri because I'm sure the gang will surely try and make me get wasted. HAHA.

Before and After Makeup

Lately, I'm afraid of falling asleep and waking up with tears in my eyes. Dream is truly a reality-murderer. I'm starting to hate dreams. It strikes me when I'm at my most vulnerable moment. It recalls all the memories I want to forget. It makes me realize that I have fallen so deep in love and telling myself to stop thinking about him, stop caring him, stop remember about him, are just failed attempts. I don't want to live in the past, but dreams keep bringing me back. I have to thank the lovely forever alone message from I Will Follow You Digi Center for waking me up. Although I had already left the phone on my study table but still, I'm a light sleeper especially when I'm half-conscious.

Christmas Mood is On!

I read an article an old classmate of mine wrote last night and thought back of a quote which sounds, "When a couple becomes friends again, either they never love each other or they still do".  She said, "To love is courage" and I personally agreed. It takes a lot of courage for me to love someone. It takes a lot more for me to say "I love you". I don't fall in love easily, not to the point I'd be afraid of losing someone, and certainly not to the point I'd treat him as a part of my life. Memories fucking hurt. I love him and I missed having him in my life.

Right now, when I see couples around, I wish they can stay together and treasure each other. When my friend argues with her boyfriend, I just told her to calm down and don't make rush decisions. I don't dare to give any advice anymore, seeing that I'm such a failure myself in relationship which I thought would last. Naive. Idiot.

No worries, lovelies. Although I'm not in a good condition and mood lately, doesn't mean I will continue to be like this until my life ends. I'll take little baby steps a day and slowly recover. And thanks to these few important people in my life which make my life colourful and stand by me when I have troubles :)

Rita: My only and best sister in the world who loves me unconditionally.

Cylviana: The only lesbo partner I have who is also my BFF for almost nine years.

Kryss: The only girl I have as my "daughter" who is one year and 39 days older than me.

Eberwein: The only witch who can call me "Bitch" and get away with it.

Henry: A senior, a brother, a guidance who is old enough to be my father but still a young kid at heart.

Stepfanie: My [Ah Ma] who knows a lot of my secrets.
Chin Mun: My Honey (since few days ago), a blur case girl xD