Somebody says that my blog has slowly turned into a diary. I do not overrule his statement because it's somewhat true. Well, I just want to remember all the memories we had gone through together because I might afraid that I will forget a part of them, or all of them, in case I actually suffer short term memory lost or I grow old or something equally forgetful.
Flipping back to a draft I made in my computer to copy a quote, I found a note I wrote after I finished my STPM, which was right after I broke up withhim few days later. I thought I'd blog about it but I couldn't find a time to blog at that moment which was about the criteria I searched for next boyfriend. I no longer want to tolerate with someone who has attitude and personality problems. Thinking back about my past relationship, I realized he's not exactly the kind of guy who fulfills my criteria in searching boyfriend or future husband, but it was because his actions touched me during the 7 months period and I decided to give him a chance, which was a mistake.
I thought it was just a fantasy, a dream, a wish, which will not come true. A person is not perfect in every way but I hope he fulfills at least the criteria I set and that is the bottom line. Anything less than that, I don't think I can handle it. It's such an irony thing to say when I'm not even a perfect person and yet I'm trying to find these kind of criteria in just one guy. I don't think I will be successful in relationship if I continue to be like that. Honesty. I hate lies. A person can lie to me but just don't let me find out or else, you can just go to hell for all I care. Tolerance. I always show my true self to someone who cares and my true self involves my bad temper, vulgarism, un-lady-ness, and many more. I don't want to be labeled as hypocrite in later time when someone points at me and says, "you're not like that before~" Being treated way better and more different than how he treats his friends. There are differences between girlfriend and friends and I do not wish to be treated the same way like how he treats his friends because I'd seem like his friend than his girlfriend. And also, I don't wish to see him treat other girls better than me because it looks like he's treating her like his girlfriend instead of me. Respect. This is quite an important issue because if he doesn't respect me and always disrespect me in front of people or in private, it shows how "important" I am in his heart. Showing the side of him which no one else knows or sees before. By this, I mean he can act like a spoil baby so I can coax and love him, he can show his weak side to me knowing that I will be there for him, he can cry or drop tears in front of me because he trusts me not to laugh at him and he can just be a silly boy so we can have laughs together. Humble. I like guys who are humble and dislike showing off for the sake of being cool or trendy or just for the sake of pissing others. I mean, being yourself is good enough, why must you change yourself to be someone you are not comfortable at just because the public image you built suits the taste of other people? Humourous. This is important because guys with no humour turns me off. Like, you're cracking a joke and he doesn't understand, you explain in detail and he's like, "Er... That's lame. Haha~" And I swear I'd punch him in the face for lacking of humour in his bones.
And then I told myself to find someone who is older than me because he will be more mature in thinking, words and actions. He will really love me for who I am and will treasure me deeply. In the end, I actually found someone who fulfills the criteria above with extra additional criteria: Christian, lives near me, loves to hang out with me, never gets bored by sticking to me, less gaming when he's with me and willing to sacrifice a lot for me. Then, I think to myself, why is he willing to do so much for me when I feel like I never do anything for him at all? Am I worth it? Why am I worth of his love, time and money? Who am I to actually deserve all these? Even just a simple profile picture, I can't even bring myself to change it. Fucking trauma. And every time when he says something serious, I'd brush it off with something goofy, either a stupid response, an idiotic gesture or making funny face expressions. I don't know how to handle something like this because no one has ever been this serious to me. It feels like a dream to me. I don't want to wake up at all.
Ken. The guy who confessed to me in K-Box during the broadcast of romantic song. The guy who drew a portrait of me based on the picture I took. The guy who bought top-up for me when my phone ran out of credit. The guy who got me chocolate because it was White Valentine. The guy who shopped for 3D Stitch phone cover, but couldn't find one and ended up buying a Stitch earplug for my phone, which I couldn't bring to use at the moment due to the flip casing. The guy who bought a huge Stitch pillow and walked out from Aeon Station 18, trying to ignore the stares from other shoppers, just to cheer me up because of my STPM result. The guy who never pushed me away when seeing friends but continue to hold my hand tight in his while introducing that I'm his girlfriend. The guy who forgets about everything else when he's with me. The guy who became nervous as I edged nearer to him when he was filling a job application. The guy who brought me along although he wanted to buy a pair of pants and underwear. The guy who invited me for one day trip to Genting Highlands so that he could hang out with me, playing excited games although he was slightly afraid while nonstop kissing me in public and telling people that we are on honeymoon when they stared. The guy who asked for my opinion when buying stuffs and let me chose for him. The guy who never scold me although I did mistakes when trying to help him at stall. The guy who walked hand-in-hand with me into church. The guy who always hug me tight and sing songs near my ears. The guy who insisted in bringing me to beach although he had just recover from diarrhoea and he had no idea how to reach there without his friend guiding him. The guy who fulfills my romance fantasy. The guy who loves to surprise me with gifts and actions. The guy who enjoys doing crazy thing with me in public. The guy who will give in to my tantrum of kissing me in public although he is shy and his face is as red as tomato. The guy who forced me to eat bread because I was not feeling well and brought me to bread shop so I could have wider varieties of bread flavour to choose. The guy who stopped by a pet shop and brought me to see tiny little rabbits and asked whether I was allowed to adopt rabbit at home, after seeing me posting cute rabbits picture in Facebook. The guy who covered my head when getting down from the car because he was afraid that my illness might get worse since it drizzled a bit. The guy who finally got me a Stitch phone cover with words written "Good Luck GHF" on it, which I decided to tease him by setting an acronym of "Go Home Fuck", and made him so shy. The guy who introduced me to his family members and officially claimed that I am his girlfriend. The guy who made silly promise at me that he'd kiss me anytime anywhere given in front of anybody because he made me angry by pulling back when I tried to kiss him before. The guy who'd call and chat with me for more than 1.5 hours because he misses me since he couldn't see me that much everyday due to working. The guy who is willing to tell me anything about his past, share information about the knowledge he has about almost everything and cracking nonsense jokes with me. The guy who is willing to overlook my weaknesses, my bad temper, my terrible attitudes and still be able to love me for who I am.
Flipping back to a draft I made in my computer to copy a quote, I found a note I wrote after I finished my STPM, which was right after I broke up with
I thought it was just a fantasy, a dream, a wish, which will not come true. A person is not perfect in every way but I hope he fulfills at least the criteria I set and that is the bottom line. Anything less than that, I don't think I can handle it. It's such an irony thing to say when I'm not even a perfect person and yet I'm trying to find these kind of criteria in just one guy. I don't think I will be successful in relationship if I continue to be like that. Honesty. I hate lies. A person can lie to me but just don't let me find out or else, you can just go to hell for all I care. Tolerance. I always show my true self to someone who cares and my true self involves my bad temper, vulgarism, un-lady-ness, and many more. I don't want to be labeled as hypocrite in later time when someone points at me and says, "you're not like that before~" Being treated way better and more different than how he treats his friends. There are differences between girlfriend and friends and I do not wish to be treated the same way like how he treats his friends because I'd seem like his friend than his girlfriend. And also, I don't wish to see him treat other girls better than me because it looks like he's treating her like his girlfriend instead of me. Respect. This is quite an important issue because if he doesn't respect me and always disrespect me in front of people or in private, it shows how "important" I am in his heart. Showing the side of him which no one else knows or sees before. By this, I mean he can act like a spoil baby so I can coax and love him, he can show his weak side to me knowing that I will be there for him, he can cry or drop tears in front of me because he trusts me not to laugh at him and he can just be a silly boy so we can have laughs together. Humble. I like guys who are humble and dislike showing off for the sake of being cool or trendy or just for the sake of pissing others. I mean, being yourself is good enough, why must you change yourself to be someone you are not comfortable at just because the public image you built suits the taste of other people? Humourous. This is important because guys with no humour turns me off. Like, you're cracking a joke and he doesn't understand, you explain in detail and he's like, "Er... That's lame. Haha~" And I swear I'd punch him in the face for lacking of humour in his bones.
And then I told myself to find someone who is older than me because he will be more mature in thinking, words and actions. He will really love me for who I am and will treasure me deeply. In the end, I actually found someone who fulfills the criteria above with extra additional criteria: Christian, lives near me, loves to hang out with me, never gets bored by sticking to me, less gaming when he's with me and willing to sacrifice a lot for me. Then, I think to myself, why is he willing to do so much for me when I feel like I never do anything for him at all? Am I worth it? Why am I worth of his love, time and money? Who am I to actually deserve all these? Even just a simple profile picture, I can't even bring myself to change it. Fucking trauma. And every time when he says something serious, I'd brush it off with something goofy, either a stupid response, an idiotic gesture or making funny face expressions. I don't know how to handle something like this because no one has ever been this serious to me. It feels like a dream to me. I don't want to wake up at all.
Ken. The guy who confessed to me in K-Box during the broadcast of romantic song. The guy who drew a portrait of me based on the picture I took. The guy who bought top-up for me when my phone ran out of credit. The guy who got me chocolate because it was White Valentine. The guy who shopped for 3D Stitch phone cover, but couldn't find one and ended up buying a Stitch earplug for my phone, which I couldn't bring to use at the moment due to the flip casing. The guy who bought a huge Stitch pillow and walked out from Aeon Station 18, trying to ignore the stares from other shoppers, just to cheer me up because of my STPM result. The guy who never pushed me away when seeing friends but continue to hold my hand tight in his while introducing that I'm his girlfriend. The guy who forgets about everything else when he's with me. The guy who became nervous as I edged nearer to him when he was filling a job application. The guy who brought me along although he wanted to buy a pair of pants and underwear. The guy who invited me for one day trip to Genting Highlands so that he could hang out with me, playing excited games although he was slightly afraid while nonstop kissing me in public and telling people that we are on honeymoon when they stared. The guy who asked for my opinion when buying stuffs and let me chose for him. The guy who never scold me although I did mistakes when trying to help him at stall. The guy who walked hand-in-hand with me into church. The guy who always hug me tight and sing songs near my ears. The guy who insisted in bringing me to beach although he had just recover from diarrhoea and he had no idea how to reach there without his friend guiding him. The guy who fulfills my romance fantasy. The guy who loves to surprise me with gifts and actions. The guy who enjoys doing crazy thing with me in public. The guy who will give in to my tantrum of kissing me in public although he is shy and his face is as red as tomato. The guy who forced me to eat bread because I was not feeling well and brought me to bread shop so I could have wider varieties of bread flavour to choose. The guy who stopped by a pet shop and brought me to see tiny little rabbits and asked whether I was allowed to adopt rabbit at home, after seeing me posting cute rabbits picture in Facebook. The guy who covered my head when getting down from the car because he was afraid that my illness might get worse since it drizzled a bit. The guy who finally got me a Stitch phone cover with words written "Good Luck GHF" on it, which I decided to tease him by setting an acronym of "Go Home Fuck", and made him so shy. The guy who introduced me to his family members and officially claimed that I am his girlfriend. The guy who made silly promise at me that he'd kiss me anytime anywhere given in front of anybody because he made me angry by pulling back when I tried to kiss him before. The guy who'd call and chat with me for more than 1.5 hours because he misses me since he couldn't see me that much everyday due to working. The guy who is willing to tell me anything about his past, share information about the knowledge he has about almost everything and cracking nonsense jokes with me. The guy who is willing to overlook my weaknesses, my bad temper, my terrible attitudes and still be able to love me for who I am.
黄雅婷，我再问你一次，
你愿唔愿意无论贫苦与疾病，生老病死，
都同我系埋一起？
王永健，我再答你一次，
其实无论你问几多次，
我都会答你我愿意~
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