Trolled

He is so far, the biggest troll asshole I have ever met in my life. When it's rainy and cloudy day, he decides to stay in bed. When it's fucking hot and sunny, he decides to do something which involves sweating the fats out of me. Some more, the timing he picks is "superb". Just right after I washed my face, he asks for my help. And he does not give me time to respond. I don't even have the chance to tie my hair and after everything finishes, I look like I have just finished sex marathon. *The rest of the paragraph is censored due to vulgarisms which are not permitted to appear in this blog so the author's reputation will be maintained.*

Ransacked my drawer and found two notebooks which I used during Form Five. The contents were the conversations between Kryss and I, and I realized both of us were super bored during school hours that we kept passing notes to entertain ourselves since we were not allowed to talk to each other when teachers were teaching due to "demerit" rules. I laughed when I reread our conversations, along with the ugly Chinese handwritings and not to mention, I saw another notebook which was used for lending and borrowing books. There were always cases of missing books and we had no idea who took the book or something, so we used that notebook to keep track of whom lending and whom borrowing stuffs, just to make our lives easier. I missed that moment, truly.

I'm not trying to complain or anything, but that friendship is gone. It had been there when he crushed on me. It had been there when we were together. But it vanished when the relationship ended. I wasn't invited to their gathering and I was forgotten completely. That is what you named as friendship? Bullshit. Total bullshit. You told me before that our friendship will never change although relations between friends changed, but that is the biggest bullshit I have ever heard. Just because I'm no longer his crush, I'm no longer his love interest, then I'm being kicked out since I'm the only girl. Well, it doesn't matter. I don't know how to face you guys either, not out of no topic to talk and certainly not out of awkwardness. I don't fit in the pictures anyways, you and your gaming talks, you and your guy talks. I'm just sitting there, listening to you guys and get blamed for not talking. Gee, thanks a lot.

Seasons come, seasons go.

Need not three months, a week will do.

Erm, the dream I had yesterday morning was super epic. In the dream, I was still studying in a class, and I was being trolled by my ex crush, who sat in front of me. And the guy whom Stepfanie said is cute during Form Two, was sitting next to me, chatting with both my ex crush and I, and he even put his arm around my shoulders. Some more, he said he loved my English slang. HAHAHA! Okay, my brain surely went haywire already. After that, one gang of friends (not sure with whom) went to the sea on a yacht and planned to go for a dive. What an effing dream.

I wonder whether I'm in denial. I cope with the breakup really well and feel proud when people say I don't look like someone who had just gone through a traumatized breakup. And when those idiotic senseless people say something which sound as if I'm pretending to be okay on the outside but I'm actually broken into pieces on the inside, I feel scared. I don't know. Am I really pretending?

P.S. I want my smartphone! Smartphone! SMARTPHONE!